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Archive for the ‘Televison’ Category

Jack Bauer Henry VIII

He: Hey… The Tudors are starting on Mnet tonight in place of 24.
Me: So I’ve heard. Could be interesting to watch.
He: I dunno. Action vs drama. Jack Bauer tortured and killed at least 7 people per episode. Henry VIII only killed his 6 wives.
Me: That is actually not true. Of the six wives… 2 were divorced, 2 were beheaded, one died after childbirth and 1 survived. You could actually learn something from watching the series.
He (unfazed): I might. Seems a bit of a downer to me.
Me: The many intricacies of your 22 year old psyche intrigue me.
He: I miss Jack already.
Me: And so you would.

(That settles it. I’m taking him with me.)

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[Warning: links may contain spoilers]
If you are a MNET/DSTV subscriber, then Tuesday night has got to be the television equivalent of a DVD/movie marathon.
Just take a look at the line-up. Prime time kicks off with The Office, followed by Smallville, Prison Break, Nip/Tuck and lastly Weeds. And if you’re up to it, there’s also Trial and Retribution. Yep, if your significant other has become a Tuesday night television junkie, you can pretty much forego any chance of getting cuddly and cozy.
The only television programme I watch regularly is Prison Break. I use the word “watch” liberally since it is more like sitting vacantly in front, than actual watching.
This is because I’m an intellectual giant (You can stop with the laughter. Really. I mean it.) and my mind’s focussed on higher things, like global warming, the HIV pandemic, world hunger and finding alternative energy sources.
It is not because I spend the time pondering silly things like:

1. Will Michael Scofield eventually undergo cosmetic surgery get rid of all those tattoos or is he going to walk around with them for the rest of his life. The guy has more code on embedded on his body than all the pages of Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code. He could be a no.1 bestseller all by himself.
2. With the FBI and the escaped prisoners converging on Utah, who’s going to bring down the President and unravel the conspiracy? Or will that be the plot for next season?
3. If I had a choice between the heroine-addicted doctor and the hot Romanian chick, I would go for the hot Czech chick, Nika. Every time. All the time. Oh and I’d also let the permanently angry prison warden suffocate on his own snot, because, well he is just annoying.

The big problem with not paying full attention is that you keep losing track of the plot and have to ask the person you’re watching it with what the hell is going on all the time. To which they will invariably answer, “Just watch the bloody thing, will you? What is wrong with you?!”
Jeez, you’d think you asked them to lay down their life for you! My, my, my… things can get a little testy when we run out of happy juice.
There is a perfectly good reason I don’t need to concentrate (ADD aside). It is because I already know what’s coming. I only watch to confirm my predictions and to appear sociable. I know how the season is going to end. I really do. It’s actually very simple. Michael and Lincoln are going to…
But let me not spoil it for the rest of you. I’ll let you enjoy it. Enjoy it as the story leaps from character to character, revel in the flashbacks and the whatnot. Hell, enjoy the ad breaks too.
Heaven knows, there is little else to do on a Tuesday night, now that television has all but destroyed the prospects of a healthy relationship.

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Let’s rant, shall we? For no particular reason, other than I feel “it is time”.
Over the next few weeks as World Cup Ebola builds to epidemic proportions, it will prove to be almost impossible not to be assaulted by wave after wave of unrelenting mass hysteria. Yep, World Cup 2006 is here and you can try and run, but you won’t be able to hide from it.
Football has always been a popular game and I am myself a HUGE fan, but recently it seems that unless you have football and the history of football running though your veins, you may as well have the words “social pariah” tattooed on your forehead.
We are bombarded with newspaper and magazine pull-outs, match schedules, competitions, images of football heroes, flags and bumper stickers, television ads and god-knows-what-else! You can’t even go to the garage to refuel without being assaulted by something football-related.
I would really like to know how football has come to be viewed with this level of seriousness. I can’t help thinking that a lot of this mania are due to people who are playing catch up, people who protest just a little too loudly about how much they love the game. People who feel that they are supposed to love football; and that admitting disinterest in the game is tantamount to admitting that you are a Jacob Zuma-supporter in the town of Witbank.
If I have to listen to one more gushing bimbette saying,” My boyfriend and I are such big football fans!”, I swear I am going to pop a Viagra and poke her in the eye with my penis!
The truth is, I am not fooled by these spontaneous non sequitur outbursts. These women, and many other people for that matter, probably hate football. Yes, they do! But right now, this is what they feel they have to do in order to belong on Planet Football.
I actually like it these days when I sit down and are introduced to people who have absolutely no interest in the game of football. It means I don’t have to sit through hours of tedious, competitive repartee or being patronized by people who carry on as if they had attended or watched very football match ever played. Everyone is suddenly a friggin expert, re-hashing discussions they watched on one of the many Supersport channels or read on the sports’ pages of the Sunday Times.
And it is these posers, the jackasses with the replica football shirts, who always talk about Brazil and the “beautiful game”, who will be sipping Brandy and Coke or tossing down yet another Castle Lager, and who has about as much insight as a lamp post on a highway, that will spoil the Football World Cup for me.
The World Cup has become yet another marketing exercise making us believe that football is better with Coke Cola, Budweiser, Hyundai, MacDonalds and MasterCard, and that Adidas made the players what they are today. And to the recently converted, this is what the game has become.
For me however, the single-most compelling reason to fear the World Cup 2006 has to be the fact that aging German singer Herman Grönemeyer will sing the official anthem on 9 June 2006. (Yeah I know I am over the top. Sorry… but I couldn’t resist.. hehe!)

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