Another long weekend has come and gone. And not a day too soon.
How are we expected to be productive when the working week is either 3 or 4 days long? Not that I’m complaining. I’ll take as many holidays as I can get. Pity there is that other little thing about earning your keep and meeting your project deadlines. Pfft!
This weekend I got together with the gf, her sister and the sister’s bf to watch some DVD’s. Riveting company, the likes of which you do not get to experience every day.
And no, I will not divulge which movies we watched. If I did, your hard-earned respect for me would plummet and it would seriously diminish the manly ruggedness I try and portray in my posts.
You may even feel obliged to leave a mildly insulting comment on this post. And we can’t have that happening, can we? Not since we are all required to play nicely with the other kids and engage in mutual backslapping here in “blogland”.
Ok… let’s get back to the movie marathon, shall we?
Right from the onset it was made perfectly clear that I should stay away from the remote control. Honestly! You have one little minor incident where you just happened to play and rewind a particular scene in the movie “Prates of the Caribbean” 6 or 7 times (okay, maybe 8 or 9) and people get all paranoid and shit.
I have opposable thumbs. I know how to operate a remote control. I am old enough to drive a car down the highway, impregnate a woman, hold down a job and make my own decisions. Why can’t I operate the damned remote?
I forked out the dosh for the pizzas and the beer and it is only fair that I get to drive the remote, don’t you agree? I’m not going to harp on this topic for very long, but just so you know… it irked the shit out of me. Irked me, it did!
We were halfway through the first movie when I asked them to pause it so that I could briefly use the little boy’s room. It is a fair request. No one wants to come back from the loo and have to ask people what happened while they were gone. That would irritate just the crap out of me.
[S]’s sister’s boyfriend was put in charge of the remote. My remote, I might add. Did he pause the DVD like he was supposed to? No no no. That would have been far too simple. Instead, he hit the rewind button and then quickly followed this up by pressing the fast-forward button.
He then spent the next minute trying to figure out how to stop the DVD from fast-forwarding. Coincidentally, this was also the same amount of time needed for the DVD to fast-forward to the very end of the movie. Who knew? Next thing you know… the fucking end credits!
Then he started pressing down several buttons at the same time while mumbling things like “Aww jeez”, “Oops, sorry” and “What the …?”
Finally, he ejected the DVD. Way to go… genius!
Then he looked at me said, “I think your DVD player is on the blink”.
There is nothing wrong with my DVD player you fool; you just don’t know how to operate such a high tech piece of modern equipment. It is sensitive and temperamental and you need to treat it like you are making love to woman. Push the right buttons and she’ll moan and purr for you like a kitten that’s been given a bowl of warm milk.
This is was also the point at which I started to massage my temples while my face politely feigned indifference.
“Give me remote, will you?” I said calmly. He looked at my girlfriend as if I had just asked permission to go down on him. Apparently I needed the gf’s approval to do simple tasks. I thought we had crossed that bridge the moment he ejected the DVD.
This was only the first movie and already it felt like I had been at a Scientology convention.
Anyway, I got the movie playing again and got us back to the scene we were at before the interruption. Who da man?!!
The moral of the story. Never get between a man and his remote. Secondly: Never let a novice do the job when a professional gadget freak is in the house.
I plan on growing up some day… just not anytime soon.
Mildly obsessive
May 2, 2007 by chitty
once I lost my boyfriend’s remote and he stopped talking to me. lesson learned — men love their remotes.
also, I can’t resist to mention that: it’s funny that when he flips channels, he leans back and he keeps his hand between his legs, directly above his crotch, gently caressing the remote, sliding his thumb from the volume button to the channel button… and he has no idea how funny he looks. (and he has a nice, almost cylindrical remote!)
Remote … shhhhhh, um our TV never came with one. Honest!
Smooch,
The Story Tellin Tart
; *
99.982% of the time H has the remote. 99.981% of the time he is asking me how to use it.
“How do I (insert stupidity here?)”
I try to explain… dumbfounded fumbling ensues…
“Just give it to me!”
He always stubbornly refuses and just abandons the thought of doing anything other than changing stations, adjusting the volume, or powering on and off.
My man has RC dysfunction.
“He looked at my girlfriend as if I had just asked permission to go down on him” Has this happened before?
I’ve discovered a similar vibe regarding a computer mouse. Try and get someone to relinquish the mouse to enable you to do something in 2,5 seconds which would take you 25 minutes to explain.
Oh, by the way, please don’t ever grow up!
Europosh: Hah hah… don’t make fun of us and our remotes. It is an extension of our penises.
Next time he strokes the remote, ask him if it feels good.
Tart: No remote! That is a sacrilege! Poor guy, I don’t envy him one bit.
Beauty: lol @ RC dysfunction. There is no hope for him.
KN: Tee hee! There is no dirt here, so don’t go fishing, mountain boy.
What I meant was that he had that sheepish look on his face, like a guy who just struck it lucky.
Has this happened before? Gah… 🙂
Katt: You are the Katt. Pounce that mouse and kill it dead!
that mouse thing hits close to home – i HATE it when it’s wrested from me. and invariably whoever’s done the resting goes and screws something up, or ends up asking me how to perform the required tasks instead of just letting me do it myself.
must – control – urge – to – bite…
Um, ja, because of course “I use moisturiser” didn’t damage your “manly ruggedness” image at all…
😉
Sorry, I don’t do backslapping – I’ll leave that to da lads.
Nevertheless… YOU da man!
🙂
The remote is mine! Period! Don’t think for a moment I won’t reach over and slap your hand away.
A Scientology convention, huh? Did Xenu make an appearance at any time during the DVD marathon?
A couple of things that caught me about this is (a) which scene out of Pirates of the Carribean needed to be seen over 8/9 times??? because for that reason alone you should not be allowed anywhere near a remote control,
secondly describing your entertainment system as ‘high tech piece of modern equipment – such a dude thing to do 🙂
and thirdly love the way you congratulate yourself over finding the right scene on the DVD -‘who da man’.. lol!!!
Well what can i say, all that moisturiser you use, must really help with all that button flicking 🙂
Chitty, you should have beat your chest and done the whole caveman-like “unga-bung, MY remote!!” thing.
He should be ashamed of himself. Not being able to work a simple DVD remote. Pah, he’s really let the side down. 😉
Had a mate once who was obsessed with continuity errors & such like. He knew the exact frame where such-and-such vanished because of a cgi error, or you could see so-and-so’s nipple if you turned your head slightly and half sqinted your left eye. Needless to say didnt watch much with him!
Please don’t ever grow up!! We love you just the way you are!!! Where else are we going to find a guy who is in touch with his feminine side and knows which buttons to push on a woman. Yet he is always ready with a manly quirk or remark that leaves most people speechless!!!
you da man!!!:-)