Disclaimer: These are the incoherent rants of one S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y pissed-off wanker (namely me) and do not necesssarily reflect the views of the Academy of Idiots.
With awards season upon us, I thought I’d get a head start and hand out two early awards in the category, “Fuck You!”.
- 1. To the senior sales manager who said that he would get back to me on the proposal I pitched to him this morning, because he first wants to discuss it with his immediate boss… who is away on business. He may as well have said, “I want to butt-fuck you untill the cows come home”
Here’s a question for you, mate. “Why did you agree to attend this meeting when you are not empowered and/or confident enough to make decisions on your own? Next time send your boss to the meeting and let him speak on your behalf. Perhaps then we’ll be able to get some work done”
It took me days to put that proposal together. I spent an hour talking you through it in a presentation. Time, I might add, that I will NEVER get back again. We’ve spent MANY more hours, at your insistence, prior to this meeting going back and forth over every single detail, so it is not like I sprung this on you out of nowhere.
Here, with my eternal gratitude, is your “Fuck You!” award. I strongly recommend that you stick it up your tailpipe.
- 2. The next award goes to “girlfriend guy.” This is a guy (and apparently, also a friend) who cannot make plans or decide on something unless he has consulted their girlfriend first. He will almost always speak in terms of their girlfriend, even when not prompted to.
“Hey, dude, what’s up?”
“Oh nothing much… I am just waiting on a phone call from my girlfriend”
“You want to meet up later for a drink or two?”
“I am not sure… I have to see if my girlfriend’s made plans for us for the evening”
Huh? I’m all for having an open and honest relationship with your girlfriend, but surely when you have to consult her on every little thing you do; you are talking things just a little too far?
Has she no faith in you… at all? I bet she carries your balls around with her on a chain around her neck!
Next time I introduce you to my friends, I’ll just go ahead and introduce your girlfriend too, even if she’s not around. “Hi guys, I’d like you all to meet [insert name]’s boyfriend. She could not be with us tonight, but sends her regards”
What the hell are you supposed to say when someone says something like that?! “Oh…cool… well, let me know when she gives you permission. In the meantime, I’ll just be over here waiting on her response”
Friggin momma’s boy! I have no respect for a guy who left his manhood, self-worth and social skills in his girlfriend’s vagina.
Here’s my award to you… “Fuck You!”
[CUE MUSIC]
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ROFL! Sorry, I know you are angry but some of the things you say are truly funny (and you say them so well too). Anger management, dear boy, let the anger roll off you like water off a duck’s back. 🙂
These two seem to be cut from a similar cloth. It’s great having a boss or girlfriend to do your thinking for you. Really takes the pressure off.
oh man…. what is it about relationships that makes people think they are supposed to give up parts of their own personal identity? I have a friend that’s married.. he has two kids with a girl that I actually introduced him to. For years while she was going to school he worked his ass off to pay the bills and all that crap.
I was on a road trip last week and went through his town and we went through his town to visit. He had to “ask permission” to go get a beer… and then to make matters uglier, she had all the cash in her purse and he had to ask for some cash too. She told him he could have $20 but no more. I was sitting there with another friend of mine and we were just silent. Like.. what can you say? Jesus christ that’s nutty!
-=- christopher
my blog
IB: You want an award, don’t you? Hehe.
Who wants anger management when going ballistic is so much fun?
KN: They were seperated at birth and each got half of the brain they were sharing.
Vegas: That is sad indeed. I’d go as far as saying it is abuse.
What can you say? It up to the person in question to rectify the situation.
Oh my, you are in bad company, aren’t you?
“I have no respect for a guy who left his manhood, self-worth and social skills in his girlfriend’s vagina.”
By the way, does she walk funny because I can’t imagine that is comfortable?
katt: i think chitty IS the bad company 😉
Katt: I am.
Now that you mention it… she does… hehe. Makes you wonder why she puts up with it.
TW: You’re just sore, because you did not get an award. 🙂