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Archive for August, 2006

Guy 1: Hey, have you heard that we now only have eight planets in our solar system.
Guy 2: Yeah, that is because The International Astronomical Union (IAU) has recently revised the definition of what constitutes a ‘true’ planet. So although Pluto still technically remains in the planet category, it is now called a dwarf planet.
Guy 1: I wonder if we are expected to know the names of the new dwarf planets?
Guy 2: Why do you ask? Are you planning on going back to school and rewriting your *matric exam?

I guess that settled that argument… or not! Ha ha.
[matric = South African High School Diploma]

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Live by your mistakes

My parents are selling their house and will soon move into an apartment in a townhouse complex. Needless to say, they need to rid themselves of a shitlooad of possessions they have stockpiled over the years.
When I was over there the other day, they suggested that I poke around my “old room” and take with me a few things from my childhood. The room still contained some of my things they had brought with them when we moved from Cape Town to Johannesburg… some of them still in boxes.
Talk about taking a trip down memory lane and reliving the good times! The place was a veritable library of the early years of my existence. I was “locked” in there for hours.
While paging through a box of old magazines from the 90’s, I came across a full-page print ad for Cuervo Gold Tequila.
Ha ha. It was obviously geared at linking Cuervo to some of the silly, if not memorable, experiences people have as they grow up. Perhaps it was a collection of the marketer’s own experiences?

17 MISTAKES YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE.

  1. Your girlfriend’s Mum for your GIRLFRIEND
  2. PUTTING your money where your mouth is
  3. Snubbed the offer of scoring at home to SEE THE BOYS scoring away
  4. Ordered ANY old spirit when you should have ordered by the BRAND (in this case prolly Cuervo Gold Tequila?)
  5. Wearing a SOCK down your pants
  6. STIRRED someone else’s porridge
  7. Given yourself a LOVEBITE with a hoover
  8. Being CAUGHT OUT when you’re IN
  9. SHAVED your genitals
  10. Thinking you could sing my way YOUR WAY
  11. Lost a months wages on a SINGLE HAND
  12. Going with THE FLOW
  13. Resigning from a job before having conformation from the new one
  14. Showing yours first
  15. Jumping on the BAND WAGON
  16. Telling the boss what you REALLY think of him at the Christmas party
  17. Telling the TRUTH

What struck me most about the ad was how easily I could write my name next to 14(!) of the 17 listed mistakes… and if I tried, I could probably add 17 more. And not all of them could be blamed on too much alcohol (Ouch!).
One more tequila? You betcha!

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Wrong number

cellphoneBoredom is an ugly thing. Couple it to opportunity and you could have what is potentially an explosive (or unsettling) situation. Not to mention hilarious!
About half an hour ago I received an sms on my cellphone. (I assume it was from a girl). It was clearly sent to my phone by mistake, because I did not recognise the number it was sent from.
Naturally, and true to my nature, I replied.

sms: Where R u? I’ve been waiting 4 over half an hour
me: I am at the airport
sms: What r u doing t the airport?
me: I am skipping the country
sms: Wot! What r u doing that for?
me: We were busted last night for cocaine possession
sms: OMG! U can’t be serious! R u?
me: Yeah, James and Sean got arrested. I was lucky 2 get away
sms: Who are James and Sean?
me: My partners
sms: R the police looking for u?
me: They are. I have to get away
sms: Where will u go?
me: Can’t say. Don’t want to get u involved. Gotta go. Not safe to sms u
sms: This is unreal. How can u do this?
me: Gotta go. Still have to say g-bye to my bf
sms: WTF. U have a bf? How did this happen? I don’t know u NE-more.
me: Sorry, meant 2 tell u. Gotta go. Boarding plane now.
sms: Wait!
me: Can’t. Said 2 much already. Love u lots. Will call when I get 2 my destination

(I switch my phone off) This was getting a bit too hairy. I think I may have used up my entire yearly quota of good Karma… and it would be worth every last bit of it!
Hopefully, my anonymous text buddy would have realised her mistake by the time she runs into the person she was supposed to have sms’d. If she doean’t… he will have a lot of expalining to do.
Sms the wrong phone once more, you idiot! Good intentions and passing up an opportunity are definitely NOT my strong points. 

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BlogDay 2006

I picked this up on CurlyK’s blog and thought it may be of interest to some of my readers out there.
Thursday, 31st August is BlogDay. So, mosey on over to the BlogDay site and read what it is all about.

What is blog day?:
BlogDay was initiated with the belief that bloggers should have one day which will be dedicated to know other bloggers from other countries or areas of interests.

BlogDay posting instructions:
1. Find 5 new Blogs that you find interesting
2. Notify the 5 bloggers that you are recommending them on BlogDay 2006
3. Write a short description of the Blogs and place a a link to the recommended Blogs
4. Post the BlogDay Post (on August 31st) and
5. Add the BlogDay tag using this link:
BlogDay2006 and a link to the BlogDay web site at BlogDay
Celebrate!

The downside to finding 5 blogs outside of your current circle that you would want to recommend to other people can be quite a task, as you probably have to read your way through a million crappy ones.
Nothing comes easy these days!

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A man’s world…

nuts and bolts My mother called this early morning to ask if I could ask my mate Paul, who’s an auto-mechanic, to have a look at her misfiring car.
“I am sure it is probably a minor fault. Why don’t you ask Dad to have a look at it for you?”
She said, “Son, I would rather not involve your father in this. I want the car fixed, not destroyed. Your father will never admit it, but he knows diddly-squat about cars. I’ll be lucky if the car can still start after he’s looked at it, and then it will cost and arm and a leg to repair”
She has a point. WISE WOMAN! (I wonder if her high-speed highway antics have anything to do with the car misfiring.)
My parents’ garage is littered with appliances and repair projects that my father initiated and never completed. Come to think of it, so is mine… but we aren’t talking about me now… he he. I think I may have inherited a few traits from him.
And we aren’t the only ones. The average guy will not admit defeat even when the odds are stacked against him. This is more so when he feels that his manhood/manliness is at stake. It is difficult to knowingly admit defeat or an inability to do something to a woman or to your mates.
The mechanism that kicks in is the same one that prevents us from asking for directions, admitting to doubtful financial aptitude, or that our technical and mechanical abilities borders on zero. Couple to that an uncontrollable urge to take things apart, or put them together, and a perception that we know it all.
Many generations of genetic transmutation have equipped males with a sophisticated array of defense mechanisms, all which have been designed to make us overcome the unachievable. A cruel twist of fate perhaps, but then Mother Nature is a woman, isn’t she?
There exists a rift between what we think we know and the logical brain, and the ego is the guardian of the bridge traversing the rift. The rift may only be a few nanometers wide, but it may as well be the Grand Canyon. If anything is able to make it pass the guardian and over the gap, it is filed away in a subliminal memory crypt where it eventually dissolves and becomes part of a soup of non-essential information. It is the same place where anniversaries, birthdays, and dinner reservations with the in-laws are stored.
Asking a guy if he knows what he is doing is tantamount to assaulting him. How dare you, woman… of course he does! If on the odd occasion it transpires that he really does not have a clue, a guy will hide his ineptitude behind a pile of techno mumbo-jumbo such as, “the googly that drives the ignition coil is not aligned with the thingamabob or make some stupid joke. Make no mistake… we are also the proud owner of the bullshit gene! Mother nature taketh, and she also giveth.
The only time a man will instinctively throw in the towel is when it comes to life’s softer issues, such as relationship advice and talking about feelings. In these cases all you will get is a curt and decisive, “I don’t know” or “can’t you see I’m busy”. And when approached on these things by your own children, the answer almost always is… “Go and ask your mother”

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  • She does the buying; I carry the packets… ALL OF THEM. Where is the justice?
  • How buying a new pair of shoes can have us going from one shop to another to find an OUTFIT that will go with the new shoes?
  • The unwavering commitment to shopping when she “claims” she has no money left in her account?
  • How she bought the new dress to look good for me, when I am quite content with whatever she wears, especially when it is nothing?
  • The proliferation of histrionics when we run into two (or more) of her friends. I back away slowly and pretend I do not know them… at all.
  • How many pairs will it take for her to have enough shoes?
  • How does a fruit like Kiwi become a colour?
  • Gold jewelry does not interest me, unless it is a bar of bullion or an Olympic gold medal.
  • I am not interested in Celine Dion’s latest musical endeavor… not ever!
  • R10.00 off does not count as a discount on an item you do NOT need. Or does it?
  • I am so whipped!!!

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    man with hat I guess I owe a follow-up post after announcing that [S] and I will be attending cooking classes from Saturday onwards. It is not quite how I envisioned spending my precious leisure time on a Saturday, but I guess there is a first for everything.
    First things first… The Amabokoboko (the South African rugby team) lost (20-18) the all–important tri-nations game against the Aussies in Sydney. It was a major disappointment… politely put. Not even the alcohol and the cold weather could numb the gut-wrenching pain! Not that I expected us to win an away game, but then, one can always hope and pray for the impossible.
    I was however quite surprised at how well we played and I will be bold enough to say that we SHOULD HAVE won that game. Yeah, you bloody heard me! The scoreboard may tell a different story, but on the day, South Africa was the better side and the Aussies… well, they were just plain lucky. There, I said it… chapter closed.
    Ok… let’s get back to Cooking for Fools 101. Saturday’s lesson was an introduction about how the course will be run, the various cooking utensils one would find in the kitchen and how to use them. Apart from blatantly obvious such as, a knife is used for cutting, it really helps to use the right tool for the right job, if you know what I mean. I also realised that most utensils used in the kitchen are really really SHARP, and that I could do serious damage to my body parts and even lose a few… yikes!! Let’s just say the phrase, “put your cock on the block” has new meaning to me.
    We also learnt about the different cuts of meat (who knew!), different vegetables and their uses (who knew an onion could be so versatile?) and the nuances and flavours various spices add to dishes. (I’ve got my eye on you coriander… you sexy thing, you!)
    Two people share a prep and cook area and there are 24 people to the class, mostly trendy singles and young (newlywed) couples. No surprises here. We eat what we cook, share a glass of wine, have a few laughs and take home whatever is left over. Aprons, recipes and ingredients are provided by the establishment, which seems reasonable, given the amount of dosh we fork out.
    At the start of the first class we were each given the opportunity to introduce ourselves with a short bit about what we hope to achieve and why we are attending the classes. It was pretty lame really, as most, if not all of us were there because we’re complete and utter doofusses in the kitchen. What did they expect us to say other than the bog-standard “improve my cooking kills”, “learn something new” and “I can’t bloody cook”?
    When It came to my turn, I was all set to go with the “I-am-a-disaster-in-the-kitchen” scenario, when the comments made by my dear friends’ (Jarvenpa, IITQ and Blackcrag) came to mind. (Thanks guys! Or perhaps I was still drunk from the alcohol I consumed during the game… who knows?)
    “The truth is”, I said, “I am really just here for the sex. I’ve been told that women find a man who can cook irresistible. I am hoping to impress the opposite sex and get laid more often… many times over. It is not that I am not getting any, I just want to up my quota” (I warned you before… I have no shame!)
    The room went silent. [S] gasped audibly and then kicked me on the shin. She’s been with me long enough to know that I was taking the piss out of everyone in the room.
    The singles at the back and on the left of us giggled at fisrt and then started laughing. They may loathe to admit it, but they are all here for the same reason…. to get their freak on. (There’s no fooling me, mister… I know all about you)
    The chef, God bless his chubby chocolate filled heart, caught on to my sense of humour. He promised that I would definitely be a hit with the ladies…. that is, if my girlfriend would allow it.
    Cooking classes beat internet dating… anytime. Try it.

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