Archive for March, 2005


All the signs are there… this guy has to call it a day and find something else that he is better at!

This story had me laughing so loudly, I almost crapped(?) myself.


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I pirate Hollywood

This t-shirt says a lot while saying nothing at all, basically allowing the symbols to do the talking.
In view of South Africa’s rich “heritage” of selling pirate dvd’s at flea markets and at traffic lights… hehehe… perhaps we could get the guys to wear these T-shirts.
I am getting one and wearing it to the movies on Friday night. I doubt anyone will pick up on the significance… unless… perhaps I should take my digital video camera with.

In the news: R25m pirate DVD’s seized News24.com (30/03/2005)

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I‘ve just discovered (rediscovered) a great pick-me-upper. Revenge!!! Yep, you heard me… sweetheart… Revenge.
I have discovered that the “healing” power of revenge does wonders for one’s self esteem and personality… it truly does. I feel like a new man today now that I finally got even with someone who really deserves it. There is nothing comes close to that feeling you get after giving some asshole exactly what he deserves.
All my life I have been taught to curb the instinct to get even and that revenge only begets more revenge. Well, screw that rubbish. From now on I intend to get even with all those people (and there’s one born every minute) who have wronged me in the past and who will wrong me in the future. I am done with taking the high road and turning the other cheek. The time has come to kick some ass and wreak havoc… within reasonable limits of course.
I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and I have to admit I liked the smug fella with the devilish grin looking back at me. There was something different about him… something that was not there before. And he looked a lot happier too.
So here’ s a warning to all those snotty department store clerks, the office bully, people who cut me off in traffic, to the bureaucrats, the teenagers with attitude and guys at the licensing department… watch out baby ’cause I am going to take you down like a cheap thrill!
I figure as long as I get even with a significant number of people, my life would have been worthwhile. Hehehe…Now go away… all this talk about revenge has made me hungry. I think I’ll go and get me one of these.

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What’s in a name?

Apparently a helluva lot more than I thought!

This has got to suck!!

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Supermarket sketch

I hate strangers who try and chat to me in supermarket queues.
If I wanted to talk to someone in a supermarket queue, I would have dressed up for the occasion and be sipping on a vodka martini while the cashier rings up the items in my shopping trolley.
Let’s face it, but I am least likely to be friendly when standing in line at the supermarket. Who wouldn’t be? Shopping for food is a bloody necessity and I derive very little pleasure from performing this arduous task
“4 Plastic bags, please” are about the only words that escape my mouth as I resolutely load my items on the conveyor. No eye contact, no smiling, no small talk… I really don’t care to hear about the weather in JHB or Cape town or anywhere in South Africa. Your spousal or other relationship issues do not interest me in the least nor does talk about your kids and how expensive things are on shelf. I can see that for myself, thank you very much. Oh and don’t even think of telling me about any health problems that you may or may not have. We are not that close, in fact I barely know you and would like it to remain that way. I may end up in therapy for months and the potential for embarrassment is endless.
Allow me to stand resolutely next to the till and stare into space, while I play with the coins in my trouser pocket.
On the other hand, if you are hot and single and looking to hook up with me … by all means go ahead and lay it on me… please, I insist. If I am going have to speak to someone and pretend to be interested, it may as well be for the “right” reasons. I am not easy but I am “very” open to new experiences.
Yeah I know… I am so shallow… sigh. Vodka Matini, anyone?

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I plead guilty

Aahh… I return to work after completing my merciless killing spree… killing and devouring chocolate bunnies and chicks that is. And what a massacre it was as my fellow human beings and I embarked on a rampage only rivaled by the carnage on our national roads.
I may be a cold-blooded killer, but I am a remorseful one. I feel remorse, if only for a moment, at decapitating and dismembering each and every one of my innocent confectionary friends. They never had a chance to defend themselves. Barely a peep escaped the beaks of the little chicks as I hastily removed the ornate wrapping from their bodies. What a monster I became as I served justice on them for being cute and sweet and squishy and tasty.
But oh the blessed fulfillment… the unsurpassed joy of the sugar induced high one gets from licking them and popping their mutilated bodies into one’s salivating mouth! Why am I not made of stronger stuff?
Not a task for the skittish and faint of heart… this cursed event comes around but once a year. Hopefully they will have found a cure before the next one comes or I am doomed to repeat the madness.

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Well, I have about an hour to go and then it is off for the long weekend. At least it will signal the end of what can best be described as the “the working week from hell”. Why on earth I bothered to come to work is a mystery to me, but I seem to recall that my boss decided to take, as he so aptly put it… some time off, which left kiepie (me) to hold down the fort. As he is hardly ever here… I wonder how he came to the conclusion that it would be time off for him.
Seeing as how Easter follows hot on the heels of another public holiday, Human Rights Day, it resulted in a 3-day working week. This meant that most of the people I work with and rely on to do my job are away on leave, taking full advantage of this wonderful opportunity to slack off. The other half, myself included, are barely able to do any work, simply because it becomes a futile exercise. So you hang around the office like a herd of cattle and make small talk, go home early and surf the Internet.
Whhoopppeeee… ahem… about as thrilling as curling up in a foetal ball and slowly dying.
So in closing I would really like to thank all those who made the holidays and short working week possible… spiritual connotation notwithstanding. Thank you, thank you… thank you! I truly appreciate these days of self induced semi-comatose “euphoria”. Well, the time has come for me to devour some chocolate eggs. Be back on Tuesday.
Me… cranky? Don’t be silly…

Happy Easter!

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