Being the miserable sod that I am, I am quite happy to bring someone down to my misery level, especially when that person is primary the source of my woes.
Question: Why is it that when you want to have a quiet and serious conversation with one of your friends, your waiter is the quirkiest person on the face of the planet?
There you are going through an account of how a new job offer flushed your precious holiday plans down the toilet (or how you just got dumped++) when your waiter has clearly swallowed the Energiser bunny in the kitchen before coming out.
He’ll start out by saying something like, “Good morning, folks and what can I do for you today? You’re at the (Insert Restaurant Name), the happiest place on earth next to Hooters!”
Fuck… you… sparky. I was going to have the mixed seafood platter, but now I’ll just have the chicken salad. And leave the dressing on the side. (I did not say it out loud, but my body language probably communicated that I was irritated)
Now I know what you are thinking. I am unreasonable and the guy is merely doing his job in being friendly and welcoming. And you may be right for thinking so. There is a no way he could have known that I wanted him to tone it down and be less of an intrusion, unless I told him so. If I were a woman, you’d be forgiven for thinking, “Diva!”.
Having admitted to being a bit of a douchebag, I do however believe that a good waiter should be able to read his patrons and adjust his attitude accordingly.
I was all set to make up for my insolent behaviour, when he did something that really pissed me off. It took twenty minutes for him to arrive with the drinks order!
When they finally arrived and while he was busy putting the drinks down on the table , I leaned in and asked politely, “I know you have a sign that says, We Reserve The Right To Refuse Service To Anyone!, but is the lack of service your subtle way of telling us to piss off?”
Clearly taken aback by this precious ounce of respect, he blushed and rambled off an excuse of why it took so long for him to get around to us. His excuse may have been perfectly valid, had it not been that the place was basically empty and that he had only two other tables to see to.
I made a mental note to tip him in small coins.
(++No worries, I was not dumped)
Spread the sunshine, chitty, spread the sunshine. I bet your comment had him reeling from shock. Hehehe…
You should write a pocket book on good come-backs.
Chitty never come to London, the service in this country is absolutely shocking. I think it comes down to the fact that waiter/ess are paid a salary and do not earn their money off tips. So basically they can totally fuck up your dining experience and still get paid.
GGRRRR
Welcome to my world! Out of 10 waiters, at least 4 are a disaster in my country! What I do now if they take more than 20 minutes to arrive with the drinks order is simply go to a different place. And if by any chance, the waiter realizes I’m leaving, well, I point out that good service was expected! grrrrr (the good thing is that BA is packed with restaurants and coffee shops!).
And you wonder why it took 20 mins to get your drinks? Heh heh. Nice one Chitty!
However, I do have to agree with you about chirpy buggers, sometimes they should just turn themselves down a bit and be more aware of their customers.
And I second what Miss M says, London sucks from that point of view (and many other, but thats a rant for a different day!)
IB: you know me by now… always in trouble. Only the depth varies.
Miss M: Here they still rely on tips. Which is why find it strange that the service can be so bad.
Orquidea: God on you! Waitressing is not exactly a rewarding job. But someone’s got to do it. You may as well make the best of the situation and do a god job of it, don’t you agree?
Kev: Chirpy and talkative waiters annoy the hell out of me. I especially hate it when they ask you if things are ok… over and over. It pays to be inconspicuous… just hover around close by so that the patrons can call on you when they need to.
I was going to comment that you are a humourless SOB. HA! In this instance you were spot on. Take no prisoners, you are a paying customer after all.
The exact same thing happened to me a month ago. I did what Orquidea said she would do, got up and left leaving him a 2-cent tip.
Guido: Humourless SOB? Dude, you need to “chillate with the chitty-hate”.
Seriously, it is tough call when it comes to pissing off the waitering staff. You never know what they might do to your food prior to serving it to you. Come to think of it…. that chicken salad… yikes!
Jim: Why a 2cent tip? An empty table would get the message across just fine. Nice touch, though.