Not looking to buy

(tongue in cheek?) Despite numerous requests, I have thus far resisted the urge to join face-book. It was even harder not to when two very good friends I care deeply about extended an invitation to join. (Sorry guys! I really am)
I have never quite understood the hype around the whole face-book phenomenon. Frankly, I had made a decision earlier not to get sucked into what I felt at the time was nothing more than shameless self-promotion. (yeah I know… I blog!)
Let’s notch it up to my misplaced rebellious/non-conformist streak, so I may just be fooling myself into thinking I am standing up to yet another web-based craze that is sweeping the globe. Sad, isn’t it? I could have been an anti-apartheid activist!
Don’t take this personally. I understand you have self-perceptions to maintain, blogs to promote, resumes to boost, and friends (old and new) to find; it’s just that I’d really feel more comfortable if I do not have to get involved.
If I am your friend, I already support you in ways that you probably don’t deserve. You are constantly plugging yourself to me for some sort of weird self-gratification. I wouldn’t let my closest friends hump my leg to get off (tempting as that may be), so why should you be any different.
That said, it should be noted that there is a large part of me that is just indifferent to your cause. In fact, your desire to win or lose/hook up/chat with all your old high school friends, etc could literally be the last thing I care about.
So, I’m not going to sign up, regardless of how many invitations you send my way. I’ve got much more to worry about. The crisis in Darfur. Global warming. My tendency to self-destruct at least once a year. Winter. Whether or not I should settle down. What if pigs could fly? Etc.
For you see, treasured friends, face–book will change nothing in my life. You won’t be able change anything for the better unless I allow you to. Cynical? You betcha!
You won’t be able to shorten my route to work. You won’t make it a requirement for Fridays to be “wet t-shirt day” at work. Petrol prices will not come down, nor my will the chances of being “assaulted” by a group of FHM models increase. You won’t feed me. You won’t love me. You won’t bring back summer.
So, in the name of all I hold dear, give it a rest.
I’d much rather you pick up the phone, call me on my birthday and send me a real gift (not the virtual kind), hang out and put your head on my shoulder. In return, I’ll let you hump my leg. I’ll even shave it, if it’ll make you happy.
On second thought… you should know me better than that.