Spewing forth loose and intangible thoughts

Have you noticed how people always hang out in groups? You see them at the malls, in restaurants, at movies and even at work. They herd together like cattle and they all look like deer caught in the headlights.
It makes me wonder how many of the people you hang out with are really your friends, and how many of them are just people you spend time with because you have nothing better to do. How genuine is the laughter and how good is the good time really?
I must admit I am guilty of the same. I currently have more “friends” than I can handle. The strangest thing is… there are a some of my newfound “friends” that I can hardly stand. (Don’t remind me, I know it is makes me a hypocrite).
If I were to run into some of them on the street, I would hardly know what to say to them other than talking about the other friends we have in common.
I find that the only friends I am really comfortable with are the ones I grew up with. The one’s who were there through my formative years, who saw me at my worst/stupidest, and also at my most brilliant, and who can laugh with me at the things I did back as a teenager, a university freshman or even later on in life. The rest are just acquaintances. People I have met along the way and who fill a gap, whether it be real or imaginary.
I also find that I tend to like or dislike people almost immediately after I meet them. Many times I am wrong in my initial assessment, but most times I am not. But because they are a friend of someone I am really close with, I will bite the bullet and pretend that I like them too.
My buddy Brad and I have been mates for as long as we can walk. Sure we have gone our “not-so-separate” ways over the years, but I could always rely on him to be there for me when I need him. We have learned to look beyond the obvious frivolities of friendship and focus on what lies deep beneath the surface.
Lately though I find that we have grown apart and spend less time together than we used to. Where as before I would literally just “rock up” at his place or he at mine, we find ourselves making appointments to see one another. What the fuck is up with that?
Have we just outgrown one another, and if that is so, how do we sustain the new level of friendship we have? Surely we cannot rely on our past history to carry us through, and if we do, are we just flogging a dead horse?
Priorities change, people change…. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, etc. Life goes on and shit happens when you least expect it. A part of me wants to cling onto the past, but I know that it is going to become increasingly difficult to do so.
I don’t have the energy to make new best mates (Is the whole concept of best mates juvenile?), or to start up that whole process of exposing myself to others. Words can only do so much. It is the memories we share and the experiences we had, many of whom are totally random and completely off the chart in terms of rationale and absurdity, that bind us to the people we love.
When you have had so many things happen in your life that they either hold you down or kick you to the curb, it is hard to put your trust in new people, and even more difficult to trust in yourself. It’s not rocket science. It’s a need for self preservation, and that is the truth.
It is a scary thought, and as outgoing and extroverted as I am, I’m just not up to dealing just yet.
I bet by know you are rolling your eyes… heheh.