Culture vulture

(click on picture to enlarge)
When [S] called me in a frenzy of excitement this morning to tell me that she has won tickets to a wine tasting evening at a well-known restaurant in Rivonia, I groaned loudly.
“Oh honey, can’t you donate the tickets to someone who cares about that kind of thing?” [Silence] Needless to [...]

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Zzzzip it!

I hate silence. It is awkward and uncomfortable and does nothing but confuse the fuck out of me. I’d rather have a string of curse words, a misplaced comment or incoherent babble. At least it gives me something to work with.
Consequently when I am around people/strangers, I will inevitably say something that I’ll regret later [...]

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Some days aren’t better than others

My arch-nemesis, Salem, walked into my office this afternoon with that smug “I know something you don’t” look on his face.
HE: Hey, [K], the boss is looking for you. Methinks he has something important to discuss with you.
[“And wouldn’t you like to know?” I almost said]
ME (annoyed): Dude, seriously, what’s up with the “methinks”?
[...]

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Mommy’s boy

It is Tuesday(yesterday), 12h45pm. My telephone rings.
I pick up and mumble “Hello” into the receiver. It is my mother… the Mrs Michael Schumacher of Johannesburg.
“Hi, [K], how are you doing?” she asks cheerfully.
”Hey mom. I’m fine, thanks. To what do I owe the unexpected phone call?”
”Oh, I was just in the vicinity of your office [...]

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The love quiz

Women have got to be the undisputed champions at manipulation and asking difficult questions. Sometimes the intentions may be cruel, but more often than not it is, I think, to remind men who the boss really is. Or perhaps they just like to see us squirm as we frantically search for the right thing to [...]

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Whistleblower

There’s a guy at work who insists on whistling out loud in the men’s room. Yep, he is the friggin Mary Poppins of the water closet.
I guess if it is acceptable to fart, then whistling is acceptable at the urinal and at the washbasin.
Still, I find it only slightly less annoying than people who talk [...]

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Bullet-in

The mind boggles yet again.
Seeing that it was Wednesday night last night (obviously) and we have a four-day weekend coming up, I let my mates talk me into going out to a bar with them.
What made it tempting was when one of them said, “Hey, I know the bartender at this one bar. He’s a [...]

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Tuesdays Child is not full of grace

[Warning: links may contain spoilers]
If you are a MNET/DSTV subscriber, then Tuesday night has got to be the television equivalent of a DVD/movie marathon.
Just take a look at the line-up. Prime time kicks off with The Office, followed by Smallville, Prison Break, Nip/Tuck and lastly Weeds. And if you’re up to it, there’s also Trial [...]

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Run little pony, run…

You’d think I’d know better than to feign an interest in the lives of other people. It is not that I am shallow or unable to make good conversation, but it is obvious that I’m incapable of good advice and to offer substantial help.
My mind wanders and I always think about things I could be [...]

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