Arbitrary thoughts on nice guys and dating shows

March 8, 2007 by chitty

I have a workmate who’s always complaining about not being able to get the girl, even though he does everything right. The answer to his problem is actually not hard to find.
He is a nice guy… and the nice guy in my experience, always gets the shaft.
In most cases, being nice usually means that a guy is insecure in one way or another. Confidence speaks to a woman’s biology. It speaks of finding a mate who can handle himself and who can protect her and the nest. It speaks to his manliness.
“Nice guy” does not say any of that. It says you are an equal at best. Women look at the nice guy as a friend, a trusted companion. One whom they can tell their sad stories to and complain about their boyfriend. In the long run the nice guy may actually be the one to bet on, but then even bad boys mellow out with age. And if there is one thing bad boys aren’t short of, it is confidence in themselves and their abilities.
One only needs to do a bit of channel surfing and tune into one of the many dating shows on TV to see this phenomenon in action. The girls will without fail eliminate the shy, nice guy before they get rid of the bad boy.
There’s always one bad boy amongst the four/three guys competing for the girl’s favour who is a total jerk, isn’t there? A guy we’ve all seen and who should be avoided like herpes on a hooker in Amsterdam. It’s like watching a train wreck unfold before your eyes, only it is much more fun to watch.
He may not always get the girl, but he is not the guy who gets booted off after the first round, which means he is in there with a chance. Even when he is a loutish yob, at least he succeeds in letting the woman knows that he is interested in nailing her.
When you are a guy who somehow failed to allay the girl’s reservations about being a good mate and how badly you want to hide your salami in her hooha, you should leave. It is a deadly sin and a complete “failure to launch”.
The girl’s probably thinking, “Perhaps the bad boy will trip and fall on his head before we go on the sponsored getaway, and maybe he will start to behave like a normal human being”.
Either way, she is in for an exciting adventure. And if it does not work out, well, she can chalk it up to experience.
The poor, shy, nice guy? There is no hope for him.
I am not saying one needs to be a bad boy to get a woman interested. But if you want to get it right and make it across that finish line, create some sense of attraction, ambiguity or indifference, all of which will get a woman’s attention. Be a man, not manhandled. Nice guys don’t always know how to do that and those that do, need to flaunt it more.

Posted in Arb, Blog, Kak, Musings, Tongue-in-cheek | 20 Comments

20 Responses

on March 8, 2007 at 1:50 pm IB

I wonder if “nice girls” have the same problem? I doubt the bad boys will leave them alone for long enough.
The problem with being the nice guy is that you also become the boring, predictable guy. So what do you do, become a nice guy with an inner bad boy?
on March 8, 2007 at 2:20 pm kyknoord

“…his problem is actually not hard to find…” – but getting harder all the time.
on March 8, 2007 at 5:27 pm tripeak

@ IB – there is definitely “nice girls” out there – and yeah, I’m ashamed to admit that the reverse is nothing short of being true.

@ Chitty – I would propose a partnership in teaching the nice guys how to be more like us… but then again confidence is something you either have or you don’t. And we both know that like testosterone, those levels differs from one individual to the next.
on March 8, 2007 at 8:21 pm sugar007

I hate to admit it but think you are right. Us girlies would say how much we love a good guy, who is nice, kind and gentle blah,blah,blah!! The truth is we like that mystery, indifference thing a little bit. It just keeps things fresh and exciting. When I am a bit older, then I think I will appreciate ‘nice’ but think at this point want that excitement.
on March 9, 2007 at 12:17 pm Alan

Have we just been a character analyis of Mr Chitty?

In my experience, those nice, shy guys who aren’t too adept at getting to first base often release their inner demon if applied with with lots of alcohol. Rather appropriately for me, that’s Dutch courage. Not sure what it says about the Amsterdam whores though.
on March 9, 2007 at 3:09 pm rubbergat

Nice dudes,

read and weeeeep….used to be the “nice” guy all the time….
don’t need to be a d…s, just , well, lol, find out for yourself!!

Dr RubberGat
on March 9, 2007 at 4:59 pm Inyoka

As they say in rugby…. nice guys come second. No pun intended.
on March 9, 2007 at 7:35 pm Terri

All absolutely true. There’s something irrisistable about a ‘bad boy’. Of course, once we get him we do everything in our power to hammer out the badness and turn him into something we’re happy to take home to mother but for that initial hook the bad boy wins every time
on March 9, 2007 at 8:24 pm EuroPosh

Terri is completely right. we want bad boys for the excitement, but then we complain, and want to change them.
on March 10, 2007 at 1:46 am beautywalks

(clearing throat, averting eyes)

This is my can of worms. Pandoras box.

I’ll quit while I’m ahead and not say anything at all…
on March 10, 2007 at 2:18 am Barf Bag « Apocalypse Please

[...] then I was reading Riding the Slipstream. And in reading his post and all of the comments…I felt like I needed to use this barf [...]
on March 10, 2007 at 5:15 am spoiledamerica

I’m Beauty’s can of worms. I’m no box, though LOL. Nice guys definitely finish last… been that way since the cave men.
on March 11, 2007 at 9:33 pm Kevin Cadman

Ah, it’s so true. My problem is that I’m always nice to the girls I really like. The ones I can just shrug off are the ones I treat badly. These are always the ones that stay interested. It’s some cosmological fuck up I tell you.
on March 12, 2007 at 11:59 am Champagne Heathen

In my experience, and doing a quick think about who the nice guys are in my life…nice guys get the nice girls.
on March 12, 2007 at 9:35 pm spoiledamerica

Nice guys get the nice girls until the bad guy comes along and steals her.
on March 12, 2007 at 10:26 pm beautywalks

See? That right there?

That’s why I wasn’t going to say anything!!!
on March 13, 2007 at 9:47 am chitty

IB: Done be silly, IB. Everything works in reverse when it comes to women.
I have deep and unlimited respect for a woman who has the conviction and presense of mind to put out on a first date. Bad girls rule… he he.
KN: It’s right up there with “how long is a piece of string”. Personally… how hard can it be to find when it ’s basically poking you in the eye?
TP: And share my trade secrets? I say to each his own and may the best man win. For every guy out there with low self-esteem, there is another waiting in the wings to step up and take his place.
Sugar: As Kyknoord put it… “Nice guys have vaginas”. If nice (dull boring, predictable) is what you are looking for, hang out with your girfriends.
Alan A character analysis? I am playing it a bit close to home, aren’t I?
Now alcohol! It is the great equiliser, isn’t it? One question: What do you do when the guy/girl sobers up?
Rubbergat:Being a d..s is just nasty. No one needs to go there. Having said that, there’s lots of room to play inbetween “nice guy” and d…s.
Inyoka: And coming second is as good as coming last. Nicely said, mr snake.
Terri: True, but once you turn him into something else, are you going to like what you created? I think not.
Europosh: Remember that old adage of “be careful of what you wish for”? It may not be all you thought it ould be.
beauty: One man’s can of worms is another one’s spaghetti.
Spoiled: And you would not fit into a box either, would you Spoiled?
Kevin: Nothing wrong with being nice in that gentlemanly sort of way. It is when you do it at the expense what you really want and are too afraid to take the risk and letting her know.
Champagne: And they do. But some nice guys also end up with the really nasty girls. Women who exploit their weaknesses. Ever seen a perfectly nice guy (good husband, good father, etc) end up with a bitch of a woman? The reverse is a also true. Doesn’t it want to make you want to step up and slap both if them?
Spoiled & Beauty: I see the can of worms right there!
on March 13, 2007 at 11:44 am rubbergat

*yawn*
yeah well, unfortunately our reptilian brains have not evolved to the higher state of realisation…we are stuck on the imago effect and no matter what, our animal instict take over most of the time.
looking for that perfect partner? search Google…lol
close the can of worms, paint it white, slap a slogan on it and write 20 pages in Cosmo on why you cant do without it….

I love spaghetti!
on April 29, 2007 at 6:57 am adefrank

“The poor, shy, nice guy? There is no hope for him. ”
that is so true.

“I am not saying one needs to be a bad boy to get a woman interested. But if you want to get it right and make it across that finish line, create some sense of attraction, ambiguity or indifference, all of which will get a woman’s attention. Be a man, not manhandled. Nice guys don’t always know how to do that and those that do, need to flaunt it more.”
to create a sense of atrraction, ambiguity or idifference in my book are bad boy behaviors. shy nice guys don’t have the confidence period.
on May 31, 2007 at 10:07 am Sense and Sensitivity « Riding The Slipstream

[...] too far and can still see the path, there is hope yet. Be too sensitive and you may as well be “the nice guy who is a friend” or a butch [...]